The Bones of My Life

When Funny Things Happen to Bad People

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 01:35:13 GMT

Or, What I Think the Punishment for Littering Should Be.
As the person discarded whatever object they could not bring themselves to find an appropriate trash can for, it would instantaneously reappear somewhere in their home, where they would later discover it. Imagine driving along the highway, finishing your coffee from McDonalds, and tossing the cup out the car window. Then imagine going to bed that night and finding the cup between your sheets. It gets funnier! Entire bags of fast food waste could show up in your dishwasher. Crushed pop cans might appear in your linen closet. Throwing your cigarette butts on the ground could result in them floating in your breakfast cereal bowl. Any number of highly amusing combinations might occur--make up your own, and laugh your ass off at someone's ignorant self-trashing predicament! (Unless of course you are a litterbug... in which case, you should know that I'm plotting as you read this.) How many times do you suppose the person would exclaim in surprise and digust before they made the connection and started thinking about where they threw their garbage?
On a darker and even more disgusting note, I think the punishment should also be applied to people who hit animals while driving. There's nowhere you could find roadkill in your house that wouldn't be disturbing--especially if it was a skunk.
People need to take responsibility for their fucking actions. It's just too bad that a hilarious little cosmic twitch can't spontaneously implement my plan.

I Did It!

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 19:30:13 GMT

Yesterday I took the NCBTMB certification exam--and passed! Once they send me my certificate, I will be able to get a job and finally start doing what I've been training for, for three years. I'm so excited (and relieved)! A new chapter in my life, and all that good stuff. Plus I will FINALLY be able to charge for my work! Woo-hoo!

"This puts something in the way of me reaching a hundred."

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 03:11:18 GMT

Maia, Maia, oh my Maia
Maia, Maia, I love you
Maia, Maia, oh my Maia
Maia, Maia, I love you.
If I live to be a hundred,
I will always love you so...
Maia, Maia, oh my Maia
Maia, Maia, I love you...

My dad has cancer in his bone marrow.

Heavier in Death

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 01:03:03 GMT

My rat Piers had to be put to sleep yesterday. He was suffering from respiratory problems due to an infection in his lungs, and though he'd been on antibiotics for a week, he wasn't getting any better. I already knew what was going to happen at the vet and started crying as soon as I walked into the examining room, but I tried to stop and be a calm presence for him in his last few minutes. I gave him a little water from a squeezed-out tissue in my hand. They gave him a shot to make him sleepy, and then another to end it. They gave me some tissues and a booklet on humanely ending your pet's life. Then I took him home in a box in his old cage. The strangest thing was that, though he had lost a lot of weight while he was alive, he was twice as heavy in his box. I couldn't figure out why. I buried him under the lilac tree in my backyard, next to the other pets I've lost, and with a rose petal and a crumb of Mexican peanut candy in the box with him. He loved that stuff. I lit some incense on his grave. His brother is lonely.

Fuck the L Word:

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 08:51:50 GMT

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. Fuck the writers. Fuck the creators. Fuck the fucking characters. Come on, even real life has more happy endings than that. Don't they want a single fucking person on that show to be happy? Don't they want their fans to be happy? No, of course not. They'd rather string us along until we actually feel something for the characters on the show, then ruthlessly kill them off, thwart their happiness, have them make the stupidest decisions a human being could ever make, and overall turn the show into a muddy, worthless, depressing series that is pointless to watch because nothing will ever get any better. That show is full of people fucking over others and getting fucked over in return. You don't need to watch tv to experience that. Give me a show about lesbians where 99.9% of the characters have NOT cheated on their partners multiple times, gone straight, kidnapped babies and died a ridiculously scripted death by an overdramatised and utterly fake reason. Granted, you need some sort of drama to keep it interesting. But when you can't even keep the stories straight (no pun intended) because every five seconds something new and more drama-filled is happening to a different character, you become numb. Give us some positive role models. Then maybe I won't spend three months in a downward spiral of agony, due to the dawning realisation that the show I once loved is becoming more trouble than it's worth to watch. Until then, fuck the L Word. It had so much potential.

all over you

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 18:51:24 GMT

Our love is like water
Pinned down and abused
For being strange

Our love is no other
Than me alone
For me all day
Our love is like water/angels
Pinned down and abused

All over you, all over me
The sun, the fields, the sky
I’ve often tried to hold the sea
The sun, the fields, the tide
Pay me now, lay me down

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 01:16:24 GMT

no-one knows my loneliness right now. not because they can't, but i choose not to share because i feel i have to deal with this on my own. no-one can tell me how to deal with this, how to come to terms with the fact that my girlfriend is leaving for four years to be in the marines. it is over. we will no longer be an us. i will be a different person, she will be a different person.
growing hurts so much.

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 03:34:24 GMT

:( There are zero entries on my most recent friends' entries page. People need to update, dammit! Stop neglecting the dead in favour of the living!!!!

On a better note, I saw Brokeback Mountain and I LOVED it. It was so refreshing after all the over-the-top, Hollywooded-out movies in the theatres lately. It was spare, minimalistic and tasteful. I highly recommend it to anyone who feels the same way about recent movies, and Mel, have you and Lindsay seen it yet? (If not, I'll go with you and see it again!!!!)

I saw a shooting star

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 07:57:09 GMT

When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star as dreamers do

Fate is kind, she brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees you thru
When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true

Haapy Holidays!

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 19:01:29 GMT

Merry Christmas!
Happy Hannukah!
Happy Kwanzaa!
Good Ramadan!

I hope everyone has a good day, whatever they're doing. And if I may steal this from my girlfriend...

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 05:41:02 GMT

happy dead-day to me
happy dead-day to me
happy dead-day dear blackripe,
happy dead-day to me.

i figured.

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 04:11:34 GMT

I took the "The Aura Color Personality" quiz on gURL.com
		My aura is... violet In the world of auras, violet is the color of visionaries. Violets are inspired individuals who are filled with enormous amounts of compassion for the human race. They are usually committed to great causes--think environmental or peace activism--that they think will save the world. Read more... What color is your aura?

i have a star on my nose. i'm a star-nosed mole!

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 01:05:20 GMT

gotta do homework. gotta clean house. gotta take vitamin c and stop being sick. gotta squeeze my girlfriend. gotta listen to PANZER MENSCH!!!!!

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 00:35:46 GMT

Don't be Vague. Ask for Tragic Death.

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi?word=tragic+death

just so yall know

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 19:06:43 GMT

I am a good woman. :)

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 19:48:35 GMT

I love Halloween.
Saturday was my party, which was small but fun. My girlfriend and I dressed up as Calvin and Hobbes (I was the tiger). We listened to dance music and carved pumpkins. (Italicsquirrel, it's good to know that you were thinking of me, and even considered the possbility of coming to my party. Trust me, whenever you do come out here, I will be thrilled.)
Sunday was the All Hallows Eve Ball at Nocturna, which was a blast. This time I was a domme, and Liz was my Crow-like sub. The costume contest was awesome; third prize went to La Baroness (who I take it is a comic book character?), second prize went to Invader Zim and Gir (homemade costumes, too- wow!), and first prize went to, of all things, Bob Ross. It was amazing how crazy the gothed-out crowd went over something so... non-goth. We were a little sad that the lesbian Victor and Corpse Bride didn't win anything, but we took pictures. Best of all, my girlfriend busted out with some serious goth dance moves. I was shocked, because although I know she's a great dancer, I'd never seen her do the goth kick dance before. But there she was, transforming into a pro, right in front of me. Turned out she'd been secretly practising and waiting till Nocturna to show me. What a great girl, huh? Needless to say, my stockings weren't just wet with sweat. ;) For the rest of the night, I was the happiest girl alive. And of course it was all topped off (so to speak) by dancing to This is Halloween from The Nightmare Before Christmas at the end of the night.
Yesterday I only worked for about two hours, since all the kids were leaving early to go trick-or-treating. When I got home, Liz got dressed up as The Spirit of Halloween, and I was The Traffic Avenger! I was really happy about my costume, since I made it all up myself, and it turned out looking really cute. Yeah, I'm bragging a little. But I'll post pictures later and you'll see. You'll all see! Ha ha! OK, so we went trick-or-treating in Elmhurst, which was nice because we only covered about three blocks, but still got a pretty good stash. We had tried to get various people to go with us to Statesville Haunted Prison later, but no-one seemed up for it, so it was just the two of us. I had a pretty good time, since I actually still get scared by people jumping out at me and screaming, or having my legs suddenly blasted with loud air, or squeezing through really tight hallways with people banging on the walls from the other side. Liz, on the other hand, being jaded and all, was able to walk straight through while commenting on how dumb everyone was for being scared and complimenting the actors on their makeup and costumes. So though she wasn't scared at all, hopefully she got something out of it. We had planned to rent The Addams Family to finish off the night, but were slightly delayed when I realised I had locked my keys in the car. We were rescued by three black security men who had a slim-jim and "hadn't always been honest men" (who says angels don't exist?). They got the car unlocked and we were on our way, albeit almost an hour later. Since the video store was closed, we decided to watch X-Files instead, which I thought was a great ending to our Halloween. The Post-Modern Prometheus rocks (right, Mulder?).
I hope everyone else had as much fun as I did.
Sorry for abusing the bold feature of HTML.
Postscript: Halloween stuff is going to be seriously discounted today. Time to head back to the mall!

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 19:08:43 GMT

My girlfriend has enlisted in the Marines.

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 00:24:44 GMT

- i don't want to go back to work.
- i don't want my girlfriend to think i'm an idiot.
- i don't want to freeze in cold weather.
- i don't want to feel like crying all day.
- i don't want to see my psychiatrist, because i keep missing appointments and i don't know why i forget them but i'm sick and tired of it.
- i don't want to do clinic because it scares me and i think i will freeze up and do nothing. for an hour.
- i don't want to clench my teeth until my jaw hurts.
- i don't want to die inside along with the summer.
- i don't want to fight this horrible ache in my throat that means no-one understands me and i'm lonely in my brain.
- i don't want to seem like i'm trying too hard when i ask my ex-girlfriend to drop me a line from france and she consistently ignores me.
- i don't want to feel like i have no friends, especially when they don't hang out with me because they have to go home and watch their t.v. shows or don't invite me to their girlfriend's birthday party.
- i don't want to feel like everything takes more effort than i have in me to do because all i want to do is sleep and hibernate and wake up warm and happier.

* i want to enjoy the unseasonably warm weather this weekend.
* i want italicsquirrel to give me the call she's been promising to give me for weeks. (or months. or years.)
* i want to move back to ohio just to feel like i have people who've known me since i was little and don't think i'm a screw up.
* i want to feel safe in my own mind.
* i want to last longer than 20 minutes on one i love you.

twytch

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 19:59:09 GMT

too
much
of the hurting tyme.
mind
shakes
the fear away.
not
comfortable
living in this skyn.
twytch it off.

Second Chance

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 17:57:49 GMT

The weather's beautiful. Sun shining, a cool breeze, the temperature perfect. Lovely day to be outside... and that's what you can experience when you come to my garage sale! Since nobody really showed up last weekend, I'm trying to have better success this weekend, from 12 to 5 Saturday and Sunday (yes, I know it's already started), at 241 Diane Ln. in Bolingbrook. I have toys, books, magazines, beauty products, electronics, household stuff and even a free box. Just do it!

beware the dangers of noitacoffus

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 22:35:49 GMT

sunburn.
my skin is peeling off my back and chest in little wads of white and grey. the insides of the shirts i wear are covered in it. i spent half an hour in the shower scraping it off with my fingernails and a scrub brush, trying to soothe the pangs of burning itch with cold water. it sucks when you feel the worst itch of your whole life and scratching it just makes your skin even more raw and burnt feeling. my thighs, though not peeling, are almost too sensitive to pull pants up or down over them. maybe in a couple days i'll stop feeling like i'm falling apart.

i've definitely upped my chances for skin cancer by a percent or three.

GARAGE SALE

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 03:15:41 GMT

I know this is short notice, but I am having a garage sale this Saturday and Sunday, roughly 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. PLEASE drop by and buy my stuff... or just visit me! It will be fun! If you need my address or directions, just call me. If you need my phone number, you can write me an email. If you need my email address... it is vintagecider@hotmail.com. Hope to see you soon!

dreamland

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 17:55:56 GMT

just woke up from a dream about rollercoasters with liz and a party at dawn where i finally saw LDO again. i realised how much i missed her.
last night i went to a strip club and had my first (professional) lap dance. the girl was very nice and told me she would "be gentle" since it was my first one. she danced to a pretty good song (sadly, i can't remember what it was) and gave me a diamonds nightclub tee-shirt. and it wasn't at all a turn on. it was so NOT a turn on that i was a little surprised. is this a normal experience? even when the dancers were going down on each other onstage, or when a gothish stripper danced up and down and all over the pole to marilyn manson's cover of personal jesus, i just felt very detached. but i don't know if it says more about the phenomenon of strip clubs, or about me.

reagarding the noble profession of massage therapy

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 15:24:34 GMT

it was my work that kept me upright
so you called it a crutch
while i drifted off
into dreams of such and such
and by the time we'd come full circle
we knew exactly what to do
just keep looking at the triangle
instead of what it's pointing to

but you can't will yourself happy
you can't will your cunt wet
you can't keep standing at the station
pretending you're being met
you can't wear a sign that says 'yours'
when that ain't what you get

what am i saying?

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 15:21:33 GMT

what if this isn't what i should be doing? why am i not more excited? what if i totally screw it up?: "It IS possible to fail Clinic." there's so much more i want to experiment with in my life, but i don't want to waste time. maybe i was wrong about the whole nursing thing. maybe i shouldn't have given up art. maybe i should give more time to the writing i feel is lurking in the shadows of me. this is it. this is really it. can i not see myself doing it every day?